Don't understand why and how people can be so childish in this world. Drastic differences between people can cause serious problems and unhappiness. Why can't people just spare a thought for others feelings before doing any stupid stuffs. I mean, i'm done with bearing with all that shit. But still, i'm appreciative to people who's nice to me. A million thanks.

i'm feeling so lethargic today. i need candies sweets and all. I'm tireddddd...

Oh gosh, it's finally friday. A good thing, it's a party night. A bad thing, there's work tomorrow. Super sad heh? but well well, going to party tonight. Most probably at Dbl O? provided Weiling and her friends can enter. If not i guess it'll be Rebel again. ha. Well, i do feel like going to St James tonight, but nah. nah. doubt they'll wanna go. So so far eh. hmmm. It's past five thirty already, i'm goin off soon! =) haha. and before that, Shan talked to me on MSN. Asked about my results and all. And when i told her i signed for NTU, she told me go go to her Hall. LOL. hmmm.. i did consider. But that's provided i can get accepted. ha. so now it's either Bike or Hall. I seriously need to get a Bike license! roars. Oh, i'm going off to count the thousands.

Today's thursday. I changed shift with Rose and i'm working in the afternoon. Still half day more to go. It's close to four now, but i'm ending work at nine. Came work today in specs, without makeup, and i think i sure look like a zombie. I didn't have enough sleep. Yesterday, a many years friend came to look for me at Rebel. I'm so so so shocked! Well, he was at St James.. I'm really very happy to see him. =) Had loads of fun last night. Clubbed with Meisui, Shell, Weiling, Julia, Amy(and her bf), and later, Xt and Joc. It's sure a ladies night. Under the music and the lights, i'm so mesmerised. I wanna just party party party. Just dance and move it.

Recently, i'm beginning to see some change. well, it may just be natural that things always change over time. Eternal is not that practical a thing in this world now. I always tried to be optimistic about stuffs but maybe some things just continue to go downhill. No matter how much i tried to grab it, to hold it. Perhaps, it's never meant to be for me. Captivated in my own world, i began to look at things with a different attitude. It sometimes feel like nothing would matter to me, i don't care. But in the end, the one feeling it is me, still the miserable emotional me. I hate myself for being this way. Though i don't show it out to everyone, i am human too. I have my feelings. I know it may not be practical to expect people around me to be sensitive about how i feel, but deep down, i hope that someone understands. Right now, i need a happy pill. Can someone with Mickey mouse ears give me one?

It's another day at work. It's just the morning and i wanna go home. Haven't taken anything yet, i'm hungry. Been wanting to get a bike license. Got to really go sign up for it. And i'll need temp jobs. The pay i'm getting now is definitely not enough. roars. i'm gonna be more independent. Can't wait for the posting. Wonder if i can make it into NTU. awaiting the results with much anxiety. i'm taking half day off. i'm going.

life's been quite sad recently. been working working and working. well, i do party at times. had fun. and guess i'm gonna party this wednesday. think i'm gonna club hop around. i had been quite stressed up recently. i really need more care. deep down i yearn for the love. i'm always trying to numb myself. till the extent i felt empty at times. as in seriously, i'm wondering at times, what's the point of life. it seem so difficult to move on further. at times, the sweetness is so seductive, so lethal. that i just fell right back straight. it makes me think sometimes, is it all right to stay like that. should i do something to change my life?

anyway, i've submitted my application for NTU and NUS as well as the MOE teaching application. now, i'm just thinking if i should apply for SIM courses as well just in case. arghhs. do i even have a future? sometimes, i just feel lik wasting my life away. i need to find something meaningful to do.

but for me this instance, i'm down. very down.

can someone please care for me?

Went to bowl yesterday with my mum. Guess what? We saw my long lost uncle. But i didn't get to see my cousin last night. It was over a decade that i last saw him. I wonder if he had any impression of me? Heard his voice over the phone, but it made me more anxious to meet him. In my memory, he was just a baby cousin. And sis and i used to dress him up in our kindergarden uniform and tied his hair up! We even had photos! =D Really excited to see him later on. He's only 17 this year. but comparatively, he's one of the few whose age is close to me, apart from my sister of course. But i'm really so so happy! I mean, i didn't have a younger cousin for so many years! Wonder how he is now actually. I hope to maintain contact after this time round of meeting. Oh my god, i have so many thinkings! And and, i heard that my another cousin moved to Yishun. Oh my! I really wanna meet her too! She's a year older than me only, eliminating the possibility of a age gap. Wahaha. Come to think of it, i'm always the smallest with the cousins all much older than me. Now, i'm so excited. It's a mixed feeling actually. I wanna show how much i yearn to know my cousin, but i'm afraid to scare him off! Oh my! I wonder if he's already scared off by me last night over the phone already.. hmmm.. arghh!! i'm so excited!

Anyway, it's a wednesday. a ladies night. i'm gonna go down to dbl O with my ladies. Shell and Meisui is coming! but Julia's gonna miss this night. such a pity! but i'm down with flu and slight fever. ARGHH! ate a panadol. hope that i'll recover fast?

Babe's coming out later on. yay! too bad today's a ladies night, if not i'll get him to come with me actually. In fact, if he's game, i wouldn't mind him coming totally. I would to dance around my babe. =) Whenever i see couples clubbing together, having fun, i'm so envious! I wanna dance with my babe. but whatever the case, we're gonna have fun tonight. At least before results, gonna party party party first! Oh, and it's Shell's first clubbing experience! =) sure to let this be a great one for her! hee.

JUST DANCE BABY.

It's march. and i'm getting results on friday. (that's what i heard) there's an mixture of anxiety and desire to learn the results. hopefully, things won't turn out that bad? today's 2 days past the 28th. ( since last month ends on 28th ) it's already our 1 year 9 months. Time really flies. images of him playing ball in the interschool is still vivid in my memories. and up till now, i'm really glad to have him in my life. baby should be training hard at tekong ba. hope he'll come out soon!!! really missed him. alot alot alot.