let me start off with yesterday. hmm. yesterday i didn't go to school. was too tired. LOL.
afternoon, wanted to go swim. but ended up i didn't swim at all. just lying on the bench.
and then i went to gombak to meet my dear to study. =)
happiest!
and today today, i went to school !
tuesday is the most tiring day. for i only have half an hour break and lessons till 4.10.
boring and long day. and i didn't pon any lesson. so proud of myself. =D
hmm. played hand ball during pe today.
was kinda too violent? haha
first, i hit kelly's nose. i'm sorry!
then i hit the goalkeepers~
opps.
haha. and after that i went to meet my dear at gombak to study.
completed my econs essay.
and i was brain drained.
no mood to study chinese.
just read through..
nothing really entered..
and we ate prata. i ate tomato prata for the first time. LOL.
hmm.. on the way walking back to gombak station,
dear and i saw a snake!
blue colour one. slithering on the walkway.
oh my god! so traumatised. if i didn't see it, i would have stepped on it.
LOL.
and then i headed back to yishun.
was feeling kinda giddy.
probably i'm just too tired.
slept on train just now and i missed my stop.
when i woke up it's already khatib.
then i walked back from khatib. so sleepy.
but i bought strawberry ice-blended! =)
so happy. wahaha.
still, i took a long time draggin myself back home.
yawns.
sister came back home le.
once again, i got blamed for lucky's actions. AHHHH~
freak.
anyway, i'm still thinking whether to go down for training tomorrow.
i'm not gonna train.
i don't wanna let people worry about me.
dear don't wan me to train too.
so as my family...they don't support me taking up this sport all along..
hmm.. i'm still thinking..
ahh.. shouldn't be thinking of that now. instead. i should study! ahhh~
by the way, dear's meeting me on thursday! haha.
super happy! (:
all the best for ya test tomorrow! love ya loads~!

for now. i have several aims to achieve.
(1) *be a great girlfriend. (:
(2) be a good student
(3) full recovery of my ankles. ):

but in order to achieve these, i guess there are definitely sacrifices to be made.
the first thing i would have to leave aside first will be bball ba.
even though i wouldn't wanna do so..
but i guess it's time for me to really get down to study.
and it's a great opportunity for me to rest my ankles.
as for next year, i don't know.
i know i'm being irresponsible for wanting to give up.
but i guess i've got no choice.
pressure and stress can come from everywhere..
the strain i have on myself. the pain. is unknown by others.
the pressure i constantly receive from home - unseen.
the fear i have in myself. the fear of ruining my ankles. impact is for life.
plus the concern of my love ones.
i cannot be so selfish ?
they all care for me too. and i know i should start to take care of myself now.
sorry everyone.. i guess i'll have to leave ballin till things get better.
but well, i'm not exactly very happy in bball trainings.
i don't wanna see the faces of some people. yeah. spoils my mood totally.
still, i don't know if i'll regret this decision. i don't know.
i am unclear of my directions.
probably i'll change my mind? i don't know..
but for now.. i'll have to leave the team.
i don't know if it'll be permanent.
but no worries. i'll try to do whatever i can for the team.
in the meantime, i hope you guys will train real hard.
it's a difficult decision..
then i realised, sometimes in life, you'll have to give up certain things.
if only i don't have any injury..

it's finally saturday. oh yea. slept till about 10plus until someone kept waking me up.
yawns. yesterday went out to ball. strained my ankles. and i couldn't walk much after that.
had a hard time crawling back home.
today couldn't go for training again. ha. it's been so long~
let me recall.. yesterday's a friday.
bitched alot in school and left school at 1.30. wahaha.
met my dear. =)
thanks for the company for the past days.
let's mug together tomorrow!
may be going out to ball later on. depending on the weather.
and someone added me a cute comment on friendster.
' Jianming
Posted 27/07/2007 22:28
attention: her ankle is still injured, dun keep asking her play ball,
even if she's playing must keep an eye on her. '

thanks for the concern my dear. loves.
i miss ballin. but it's a serious decision that i'll have to make. giving up or not.
but i need time to rest.
the road to recovery..

it's a friday. when i reluctantly pulled myself out of my bed.
ha. did some maths FYS questions till 12 plus. tired.
ball a lil yesterday. fun. ha.
looking forward to balling later at night.
but it's raining now.. hope the rain stops.
hmm. din go for gp lesson just now.
ha. brilliant idea by QJJ. 'we're being caught for skirt length and suspended.'
yeah. skipped the two hours of gp. but we attended chinese lesson ahead of the others.
which means, we don't have to go for lesson later on. hell yeah!
next period's econs tutorial. but i didn't bring my stuffs.. argh~
i did that essay when i'm only supposed to do an outline. but i din bring it.
and not that piece of outline either.
just forget about it i guess. don't wanna do it. hmmm.
feeling so sleepy today. arghh~~
yesterday night actually wanted to do abit of revision for chinese, but once i look at the text, i'm like falling asleep. so i swtiched to doing math. lol.
anyway. PE lesson just now was lame. everyone's doing their own stuffs. and we see many people get caught for attire.
it's super lame. skirts got to touch knees. shoes got to be white, black or grey. socks white.
we're going back to old school baby.
not as if any of these changes' gonna do any good to our academic results.
not as if we're gonna look smart by doing that.
we're just gonna look dumb. and as people who can't keep up with time.
it's already 2007 and we're moving back to the 80s or even the 70s. come on.
instead of moving backwards, can we advance?
this is no fun. it distracts students off the academic areas.
it'll only lead to a fatal end.
bury the age. kill all enthusiasium in us.
and we'll all be the puppets under the system.
tragically. there will be no one left.
who will save us from hell.
stop these useless actions. stop the pets of school. for they shall be burned.
burned in the flames of agony in us.
who will save us from hell.
who will. come come our saviour. (:

i'm sorry for having so much complains lately. but probably that's what we'll have to get used to in YJC. a place which caused our blood pressures rising. the place which is full of anti-school sentiments.

had my 2.4 run in the morning.
didn't attain a good timing. barely got under twelve minute.
i'm lacking training..
well.. after that me and sophie went for a shower and we got late for assembly. =p
we wasn't marked late i think.. haha..
today's assembly's exceptionally boring. a NTU talk about biomedical science cources.
hmmm.. i should say, what the hell has it got to do with arts students like us?
it's a total waste of time lor.
but in this school, i guess we just have to get used to such shitty stuffs.
and i heard that they're imposing new rules on even school shoes.
what the fuck. there's no improvements and yet. more and more fucking lame rules.
in the process, they're just trying to transform every YJCians into typical nerds.
and these not only will not create unity in our school, it'll only bring about anti-YJ sentiments.
this school suck lar. probably not everything of it, but MOST parts.
maybe the school will be a much better place without some authorities who seem to be more traditional or i should say over conservative. why not let's all go back to the 80s then. ha.
and then math lesson. as usual, it's never interesting.
and it's econs lecture.
that witch wasted about 20 minute of the lesson.
couldn't start the pc and she asked us to move to another LT which was discovered to be occupied. and she asked us back after the technician had fixed that lousy computer.
after she wasted so much of our time, she goes on and on, with that unbearable voice of hers.
i'm trying hard not to be so prejudiced towards her. but well, she deserves that kinda comment. ha. but i should say, she's really entertaining at times, her creativity are all shown in the way she speaks. her way of pronouncing words.. interesting~ LOL.
her 'inFRUence.' (influence) never failed to make everyone in the audi laugh. ha. and yea, the way she stresses that part. wohoo~ haha.. but god bless, the bell came in time to save us from her lecture. (:
and yea, followed by the dry chinese lesson. ha. and time passes really slow in tutorials.
followed by a break and it's ending soon. :(
and just now when i was surfing halfway, someone switched off my com's power accidently..
and the com started up really really slow. laggy old com in this old old school.
but thank god, it's the last lesson left, the history tutorial.
i didn't know what to bring so i didn't bring much for history lesson. hope she's in a good mood today. haha.
finishing school soon and what i'm looking forward to is my dear boy.
yeah yeah~! (:

it's morning again. so fast.
i'm still waiting.
for the phone call which didn't come.
you said you'll call me.
and not yet an message till now.
i wanna message you. like i do every morning..
but something's holding me back.
the feeling sucks. help me.
i miss you.
don't leave me hanging in the air.
i'm still waiting...

just came back home from the run.
don't know exactly how far i've ran.
did some work outs too.
wanted to run more. but seems like my body isn't permiiting me to do so.
gastric problem's acting up. stomach cramps' making it worse.
plus my fucking ankles.
all the time. thoughts of you filled up my mind.
but at least it stopped me from crying.
for awhile.
took a shower. and i'm feeling better.
don't think i'm gonna sleep tonight.
still no mood to study for test.
don't even know i wanna go school anot.
no mood for anything.
i don't wanna think about stuff, but they just wont leave me alone.
i don't wanna cry. but tears just flow..

once again. you made me feel so worthless.
and you made me question myself, what am i to you.
just someone that you can just ignore.
sometimes. just by saying sorry won't help.
and with that kinda attitude.
it just leaves me with a sucky feeling totally.
what am i to you?
you can just say that you wanna sleep.
you can just say you don't wanna quarrel.
do you know how i felt?
you don't even care.
do you really think that i wanna quarrel?
you really thing that's what i wanna achieve?
are you aware of what you make me feel?
right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real.
questions passing by.
no answers.
tears flow. in the lonely night.
i have no one to turn to, except my blog.
boy. boy. i tried so hard to swallow everything down.
am i really expecting too much from you?
is it really that hard.
i'm sorry i just couldn't understand.
i've tried.
i just couldn't.
the words you've said are so hurting.
bringing me down.
no matter how strong i've tried to be.
the air around me seem so cold.
i still remember how i firmly i told lex that you're the one.
how certain i was when he asked if i really loved you.
i just can't help questioning the importance of myself to you.
emotions overtook me.
things went out of control.
i'm sorry i can't be perfect.
who will lend me a shoulder.

didn't go to school today. my bed misses me.
hmmm. i woke up at around twelve today.
slacked around and went out at 2 plus to meet aloy.
they bought me a BITCH mug. LOL.
well. after that i went to the chinese physician again.
it's super pain. and i'm wearing 'SOCKS' again.










then i went for threading.
and i met my dear. he's with his friends.
hmm.. but i was too shy to go over. ha..
damn it.. haha..
taken my first meal of the day at around 4.
and we went to my place.
slacked. slept. and overslept. LOL.
after sending him off to the station, i went to the cold storage.
wanted to grab some food. but don't know what to eat.
ended up getting noodles.
picked up some snacks on the way back.
everything was still fine till then.

and now i am. back home. waiting for my boy to come online.
he didn't reply my message. sleepin?
yeah. sleeping again.
i've been waiting for an hour..
haven't revise for my test tomorrow. damn it.
gonna screw it up again.
sians.
feeling super moody.
super bad mood.
why is it so hard to keep yourself awake.
sighs.
was actually looking forward to meeting you tomorrow.
until you say you're going to ball..
what can i say. hmm..
was kinda down lar.. but i should give you time of your own.
i was feeling super moody. and i guess you didn't sense it.
and now. i'm here. waiting. for the reply.
called ya. but you didn't pick up.
replied in sms. and lying on da bed.
a certain level of insensitivity i guess, and a high level of disappointment for me.
put yourself in my shoes?
i don't know.
i've got no mood to do anything.
just felt like goin out for a run.
don't even feel like going for that test tomorrow.
apart from saying sorry each time.. what else can you do?
or rather, what else have you done..
i'm still waiting.. but i know i'm waiting for the impossible..
you won't call..

hmmm. no appetite today, only finished half of my breakfast set. ):
had econs DRQ test this morning. didn't study for it.
only read through the chapters this morning.
but overall.. i know how to do ba.. should be ok?
don't know ah.. that bitch's marking..sure very strict.
yeah. while doin the test, that old hag was walking around in her heels.
so noisy. so distracting can!
but well. i managed to finish my paper. (:
then it's GP lesson. crap.
SHE sat beside me lor.
stinks badly. and she's super irritating. talks non-stop.
khairul like throwing her sacarstic remarks all da time lar.
and then she's like. 'why are you always bullying an innocent child?'
LOL lar. listen liao i sian diao sia. haha.
fucking funny. and there's one thing i really cannot stand!
hygiene please! i saw her digging her ears. what's next today.
she coughed, twice. without covering her mouth.
and she coughed towards my direction lar.
the thought of it makes me itch again.
she cough onto my head lar. What the hell lor!
so disgusting. personal hygiene please.
oh well. after that went to eat. didn't eat much. and no meat. ha.
i've got to cut down some weight. ahhhh~
after that was just doing work and mugging.
until 1.30. when i finally decide to cross the street.
-to go back home.
i brought lucky for a walk, like so finally.
and i came back for an afternoon nap.
slept till round 5 then i wake up.
hmm.. feel like going out. sister's not coming home tonight and tomorrow.
i've got to take care of lucky. maybe at night i bring him out again ba.
anyway. i haven't eat dinner! and i'm abit hungry. ahhh..
well well. despite the hunger. i feel like going for a swim at the pool. LOL.
wanted to go run.. but i should leave it till my walk with lucky.
don't have mood for homework today.
so lethargic.
hmm. feel like balling.
ha.. and i suddenly miss group study sessions / bitching sessions. LOL
=D
and i miss my dear! wednesday!
loves!
ahh.. but got test on wednesday. die die die. i suck at math.
plus i pon the maths tutorial today. as well as econs. ha..
got to catch up tomorrow!

met my dear for lunch today. =)
sorry dear. i ABIT troublesome and picky hor. LOL. =p
so happy to see ya! TOMORROW~!
anyway. after that i went to the CCS night. we're the helpers. =D
overall. the performance was lame lar. hmm.
and many year ones so irritating.
yawns. so tiring lar. the whole thing ended at round 10+.
after which i acompanied st to eat dou hua.
so sleepy ah~
on the way back an indian guy scared me ah! scary!
more and more crazy people in s'pore.
zzz!
just recieved my phone bill for the previous month. it's over 140 this month.
got to cut down! haiyo! overspent!
ahhhh!!
and i miss my dear boy! seeing him tomorrow! yay!
(: i'm too tired to continue bloggin. yawns.
tomorrow then!

today was super super sleepy! almost couldn't wake up today. woke up at 7.10. thanks ast. for bombing my phone each day to wake me up. =) appreciate that alot. ha. thanks for buying me bread this morning too! loves! anyway. today was a boring day. except for the amount of time spent bitching. haha. and after school, we stayed behind to help out with the chinese dramam shit again. we did the shitty jobs. and there. people are whining and complaining. wtf? and once we're done with the stuffs that we're doing. it's just SHOO. go away please. WTF? i realised, teachers can be fucking rude at times. i've met quite a few already. all these ' MISS ' es are kinda strange. irritating. and i just despise the childish YJCians that i've noticed. they're all around. but my day brightened up the moment i see my dear boy. (: my dear's so tired today. and he's already asleep now. (: sweet dreams darling. he's so nice to accompany to ball just now. considering that he had ball in school before he meet me. (: love him so much. not meeting him tomorrow. kinda rare for a saturday. hmm. sunday! but i'm goin to see the physician again i think. ankles getting worse eh.. ahh. super tragic. but i guess it's a good time for me to get down to my studies ba. i'm lucky to receive only one U for block test. aim not to get any for promos. yeah. i wanna pass all. mug hard! ahhh. my cough's irritating me. duh. and i know it's super random. oh.. and my eye's damn dry. guess i've got to stop bloggin le. yawns. should sleep soon?

`i wanna see you.

went to seoul garden after school today.
bought a nike red backpack. with ast.
then we went to RP to watch netball match.
then we went back. cab again.
i'm so tired. yawns.
still had CLL work to do.
i think saturday must go the drama thing le.
the stupid teacher~
sian.
anyway, i've removed that bandage on my ankle.
still can see da holes on my ankles. yucks.
still pain lar. the ankle.
sighs.
i wanna play ball..

we're once good friends.
classmates for a year.
bball mates for a year too.
i've really regretted making certain choices.
it really upsets me now. yucks.
and now. thanks man.
give me that sickening face each day.
and seriously. i just enjoy seeing you like that lar~
childish freak.
i've never seen a guy this childish before.
and such a coward?
anything not happy you can tell me straight in the face.
don't know why the fuck am i trying to save the friendship.
asshole. the look of you upsets me man.
so childish. so petty. so disgusting.
you should just go die lar.
stop annoying people.
well. since you enjoy balling so much.
then i shouldn't ball in school.
i don't wanna see ya fucking face.
yeah. it's totally not amusing lar.
maybe someday you'll grow up?
or maybe you won't lar. pea brain.
i know i shouldn't get angry over this type of person.
but well, sometimes irritants just exist lar.
you want to turn things this way?
fine then.
you don't like me. i don't like you too.
you just make me hate you more each day asshole.
in fact, the look of you makes me wanna puke now.
i don't wanna ball anymore.
i wanna minimise the chances of seeing you.
i'll be happier that way i guess.
without the sight of you.
it'll be a beautiful life.
you can carry on with the life you wanna lead.
who gives a shit.
asshole.
how i wish you can disappear.
burn burn. burn that fucking face of your's.
and i won't get to see it again. (:

You Are In a Good Mood

Today, you're feeling pretty together and happy. While not everything is going you're way, you're keeping things in perspective. And it seems like things are looking up for you!

Yesterday. i've missed training to go to the chinese physician for my ankles. this is the first time i'm asked to let out some blood. like super yucky can! like being poked so so many times. the pen-like device which he used to load needles in. well. initially he said it won't be too pain and he won't required too many holes. lol. ended up. i think i'm like pierced say round 40 times? and yea. poked and sucked out the blood. yucks eh. hmm. it's super pain! cause i really hate needles. ahh.. and i've got a wrapped up ankle. ): super pain. by the way. the physician told me the stuffs like : my ankles are extremely loose and i should have a x-ray if it prolonged. yeah. i should consider. the previous time, the physician said i won't be able to walk normally if i continue injuring them. and they suspect that i've been wearing out my ligament. ahh.. it's painful. and i'm afraid.. and i've got to go back to teckghee for training le. but i got the stupid drama thingy on saturday. and i've got to be there at say 5.30? how to go for training. sighs. teckghee cup's coming.. but the doctor told me not to do any exercise for some time.. i should let my ankles rest... ?

wahaha. Yesterday i fell asleep again. before i sleep i sent rubbish messages out. just like how someone always do. reluctantly crawled out of bed this morning. don't wanna come to school. but no choice lar. got to come. today only four lessons.. hmm. i ponned maths tutorial today. she finished what she had got to teach le.. so only revision. hmm.. i know i shouldn't pon lar. but i'm simply too tired. i went to the library for a nap. well. a long one. 1 1/2 hours. LOL. woke up and went for econs lecture followed by CLL lesson. today's lesson's a waste of time. but i'm landed with homework to complete. he told us to come for the rehearsal and stuff. and also on saturday. well. definitely not coming today with that last minute notice. moreover. we won't have anything to do lar.. and the most important point of all is that we're going SEOUL GARDEN today! LOL. eating is the pirority. ha. can't wait! hmm. and just now i was having some gastric problems. ): so tragic. but it's fine now cause i've eaten some stuffs. anyway. i still have one hour of history tutorial at 1.10. and 2.10 off school ! yay! time really pass so fast ah. tomorrow it's friday and i'm meeting my boy! haha. happiest! tomorrow i'm ending school at 2.10 again! yes! happy. can't wait for weekends. but this weekend i hope to do some work and revision. have to start preparing for promos. LOL. just like what the chinese teacher said about me. haha. i always start last minute. LOL. This time round. i've got to do well in the promos exam! YES! work hard ba! (: and i hope someone would work hard too. ~ missing you ! =p

This morning ~ super angry can. someone's behaving in a super childish manner. if you wanna avoid someone. please don't do it in such an obvious way. and if you really hate to see me that much. fine then. tell me in the face lar. stop being such a coward and run away from me all the time lar. it's fucking childish. please. please grow up man. well.. i'm not going for training today. bet you'll be damn happy to not see me. it's just so unlucky you'll have to see me in both history and econs lecture. yeah. so unlucky huh? then go away lar. thought that's what you like to do? if that's the case. tell me.. then i shan't go for training anymore. you think i like that face of yours? asshole.

anyway. today's SEA history test.. i hope we can all pass it. but i think we'll fail lar.. but shouldn't fail till that badly ba.. hmm.. and then we had SEA lecture after that. damn bored lar. ) :
now we're supposed to have CLL. and it's a HSK talk. so none of our business. yeah. skipped that. =D poor sophie. caught by Yang. LOL. hmm. still thinking whether to go for econs lecture anot.. hmm.. and econs is the last period that i have for da day! yay!

super tragic. i've got to go see chinese physician later on.. my stupid ankle~
but good thing is. my dear's meeting me later on. cause someone forgot his keys yesterday~ LOL. they're mine now! wahaha. can't wait to see ya! (: (: (:

today's a freaking boring day. my ct didn't come. i should have ponned too. well. already pon my history and gp lesson. so complete the stupid gp compre. killing all my brain cells doing that. hmmm. saw 杨谨算 just now. wa lao. today can go off at 1.05 de lor. still need to stay behind and do that banner. haven't even buy cloth lor! stupid 夜之蓝园 duh. i also can't do much about painting.. lol. 加油 sophie! lol. well.. ponning econs lecture too. so it only leaves me to attending math lesson. hmmm. =) anyway. i'm meetin my dear later on for movie! happy happy! 我很想你！(:

alright. i'm goin to eat le! hungry! hungry! ahhhh!

met my dear today! yeah! wanted to ask him to help me with maths questions but he fell asleep again! haha. after that we went Gombak play ball. along with st yenhuan peacock and zhaohong. peacock's leg swollen, can't play. and she walks like a robot. so funny! haha. i know very bad lar! lol. and st! you've got improvement le! but still need to jiayou more! i'll drill you! wahaha. we'll work hard together! =D but my ankle's giving me problems again! sigh. well.. anyway. i'm heading out to peacock's place soon. MAJONG again. LOL. hope i have better luck today. =) but i wanna play my chocolatier game! haha. my dear's addicted to that game too. haha. he's catching up with my progress! ahhh!! must jiayou le! haha. mummy's home! and my sis.. dots. see le also sian. she practically don't talk to me lar. duh. hope the situation can improve. i hope lar..

and i miss my dear boy! must take care! always fall ill.. drink more water! =) i want a healthy you! lovess!

a sleepy day! i felt like sleeping the whole day lar. couldn't sleep yesterday.=( ended up sleeping at 2 plus. ahhh~ feeling so lazy ! yay. i'm gonna meet my dear soon! lovely! and i'm going to ball today! lala~

oh yah! HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANDSOME MARTIN! LOL. MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE. =D