let me love you.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

the complexity of my thoughts.

it's thursday morning again. once again, i'm supposed to be in the auditorium now for econs lecture. seems like i have no mood for anything. everyone's asking why. but i don't know exactly why deep down. maybe there's still bits and bits of uncertainty over the basketball question. i've been away from training for about a month. oh yea, by the way, it's a great thing that i finally can give away this post as a captain. a load off. but fact is, i'm no listener. it may sound bad and all. but i'm not used to it i guess. it seems pretty weird for me. awkward too. probably that's what that upset me. well, it wasn't a nice post to be in and i guess, being in that position, ya won't get much appreciation for your effort. everyone would just think that it is a rightful thing to do. and now, i should be happy. to pass on this burden of mine. ha. but no matter who may become the next captain, i won't come for trainings anymore. have no will and motivation for that. now i realise that i miss the past year teams. the 2006 and 2007 batch. maybe some of them will understand me. bball now seem like a burden to me. deep in, i love the sport. but the sight of the depressing state of the team saddens me each time. maybe i should have left YJ. remaining here for bball now seem very dumb. but well, i have my worries too, my injury is draggin me down to a pathetic state that even a day of PE can cause overnight pains. i shall listen to whoever that's concerned. i will leave balling for at least some time. how long? i don't know. or maybe for good. i'm uncertain. to quit or not. but i wanna play. but not with the present state of the team. and god knows who wil become the next captain. but yea. who cares. i'm feeling so mixed up inside. the complexity of my thoughts is buggin me. maybe i do care. i wanna make a solid decision. maybe i'll be happier to quit? heal my injuries. and not to see sickening faces. and have more time to study. yeah. more time. probably that's good? to my depressing life. but i still miss the good old days. there's just something missing now. maybe i'm thinking too much. but i just don't know why. maybe bball exist very much as an important segment in my life. decisions had to be made.

`i wanna escape from this depressing life.